Funny Insults

Webmaster's Favorite Comebacks

  • Are you talking?
  • Did I give you permission to talk?

Yo Momma Jokes

  • Yo mommas so dumb she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go!
  • Yo mama so dumb she stared at da orange juice bottle cause it said concentrate
  • Your momma is so fat that when she stepped on the scale it said one at a time please.
  • Yo mammas so fat you could slap her legs and ride the waves
  • Yo mama so dumb she sold her car for gas money
  • Yo Mama's so fat, she got baptized at Sea World.
  • You're mom's so stupid, she got locked up in a super market and starved
  • Yo Momma is so fat she walked out in high heels and came back in flip flops.
  • Yo' Momma's So Fat When her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.
  • Yo mama's so fat when she ordered a water bed they layed a blanket on the Pacific Ocean
  • Yo mamma's like a shotgun, one cock and she blows.
  • Yo mama so dumb that when I said "christmas is just around the corner" she went looking for it!
  • Yo Mamma's so fat it takes two busses and a train to get on her good side.
  • Your mom is so stupid, I said it's chilly outside, your mom ran outside wit a bowl and a spoon and asked where??
  • Yo Momma so fat she stepped on da scale and and it said to be continued...
  • Yo Mama's so poor, when I was asking why she was banging on the dumpster she said, "My kids locked me out."
  • Yo Momma so dumb when she saw a bus with white people in it she said, "Go catch that twinky."
  • Yo mommas so fat, she has to use a matress for a tampon.
  • Yo mamma's so stupid, she jumped off a boat and missed the water.
  • Yo mama's so fat, when she stepped on the dog's tail we had to change his name to Beaver.
  • Yo momma's so fat that when she goes outside in her yellow jacket people say "Look it's the magic school bus!!!"
  • Yo Mamma so fat that when the school bus drives by she yells STOP THAT TWINKIE!
  • Yo Mama so fat she went into a zoo and a zookeeper said, "Oh boy...another elephant got out!"
  • Yo mamma so stupid, it took her two hours to watch 60 minutes
  • Yo mamma is like a brick, flat on both sides and gets laid by mexicans!
  • Yo mama's so fat that when she went to wal-mart she tripped over k-mart and hit target!!!!:-D
  • Yo momma is so fat, she stepped on a dollar and made change.
  • Yo mama's so poor when I saw her kickin' a can down the street, I asked her what was she doing and she said she was movin'
  • Your mammas so stupid she got locked in mattress store and slept on the floor.
  • Yo mama so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles came out....
  • Your mama is so fat she jumped in to the ocean and the whales stated to sing we are family.
  • Yo mama's so fat she has her own zipcode
  • Yo Momma is like a doornob, everyone gets a turn.
  • Yo mamma's so fat she fell in love and broke it
  • Yo Mama's so fat, when she stepped onto the scale it said "to infinity and beyond!"
  • Yo Momma so fat, when she went to swim in the ocean she said "Oops I'm in the kiddy pool!"
  • I thought you were ugly ... and then I met your mama
  • Yo Mamma is like a hockey playa, she doesnt changer her pads for 3 periods!
  • Yo Momma's so ugly on Halloween, people go as her.
  • Yo momma's so fat that when she jumped for joy she got stuck!
  • Yo Momma is so fat that her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
  • Yo' mama so fat, she has to make a long distance call to talk to herself!
  • Yo Momma so fat her tanning bed was Mexico!
  • Your momma is so retarded she got stabbed in a shootout.
  • Yo momma's so fat, she walked in front of the t.v and I missed a whole series of friends!
  • Yo momma is so fat, she's taller sideways.
  • Yo Mamma so stupid that she went to Dr. Dre for liposuction.
  • Yo Momma so dumb, she sat on the TV to watch the couch
  • Yo momma's so fat, she uses the pacific ocean to take a bath.
  • I'm not here... but yo mama is ;-)
  • Yo Momma's so horny, when she found out Winnie the Pooh had no pants, she a got a boner.
  • Yo momma so greasy they hired her at the cinima to put the butter on the popcorn!
  • Yo Momma so stupid her favorite color is clear.
  • Yo mamas so fat that at the circus she nicknamed the elephant pee wee.
  • Your momma's so fat that when she fell in the forest, the loggers said "TIMBER"!
  • Your momma is so fat that when she sweats she can be used as a steam roller.
  • Your momma's so fat she has to use the ocean as her toilet!

Blonde Jokes

  • A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger. "Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He held her hand softly, led her to a chair and said, "Secondly, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, and then. ... "He sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
  • A blonde goes to the movies, her boyfriend asks if she wants any thing to eat, she says yes M&Ms. So he goes to get her some M&Ms. He comes back with the M&Ms and gives them to her, she opens up the bag and pulls out all the brown ones and gives it to her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked why she gave him all the brown ones, and she said "Oh I'm allergic to chocolate."
  • A blonde was sitting outside a store on the curb crying..the manager of the store spotted her outside and went outside and asked the blonde whats wrong...she said her mother just died..and the manager said oh I'm sorry.. the blondes cell phone starts to ring and she answers it and says hello..omg! are you serious!.. and she hangs up and the manager asks her who that was and the blonde says...that was my sister...her mom just died too!
  • A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, "I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?"
    "Why sure," said the manager, "I have a hanger you can use."
    A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing, he heard another voice from a blonde inside the car. "No, no! A little to the left."
  • There was 3 moms... 1 was brunette, 1 was a redhead and the other was a blonde. The redhead mom walks into her daughters room and finds a cigarette. She says "I didn't know my daughter smoked." The brunette walks into her daughters room and found a beer can. She say "I didn't know my daughter drank." The blonde walks into her daughters room and finds a condom. She says "I didn't know my daughter had a dick"
  • There's a smart blonde, and Santa Claus ... they both jump off a bridge, which one made the biggest splash? Neither .. because they both don't exist!
  • A blonde, brunette,and a redhead are hiding on a farm from the police. The brunette hides in the chicken pen, and when the cop goes by, she says "cluck cluck" with the chickens, and he goes by not noticing. The redhead hides in the pig pen, and when the cop goes by, she says "oink oink" and the cop doesn't notice. Now the dumb blonde goes and hides in a potatoe sack, and when the cop walks by, she says "potato potato!" and she's busted!
  • Once there was a blonde a red head and a bernette who got stuck on a desserted island 10 miles away from land. One day the burmette said, "I can't take this anymore" and swam three miles then drowned. Then the red head said, "I can't take this anymore either" swam 5 miles then drowned. Then the blonde said "ummm ya me neither" swam 9 miles got tired and swam back.
  • Blondes have more fun but at least brunettes can remember it the next day.
  • There is a mirror that sucks in people that lie. A red hed walks up and says "I think I am the smartest girl in the world." and she gets sucked in. A brunette walks up and says "I think I am the prettiest girl in the whole world." and she gets sucked in. Then, a blonde walks up and says "I think...I think...AHHHHHH!!!!" and she gets sucked in.
  • What happened to the blonde when she tried to blow up her ex husbands car?
    She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe!
  • How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
  • I once knew a blonde who thought a quarterback was a refund.
  • Why did the blonde junp out the window?? She wanted to see how her maxi pad's wings worked!
  • I'm blonde whats your excuse?
  • I'm blonde and I'm out trying to prank call 911 but I can't find the 11 be back when I find it.
  • I just found out Slim Shady is Eminem!!! I HAVE TO TELL THE WORLD
  • We all have our blonde streaks but you used the whole bottle of dye!
  • What is the smartest blonde? Let me think. Apparently not you, it must be the Golden Retriever.
  • I'm not stupid but I'll admit that I'm blonde, Just give me time ... hey look there's a bird.
  • Never overestimate the power of blondes especally if there is more than one.
  • What do you do when you see a one-legged blonde? Stop laughing and reload.
  • Just because you're blonde doesn't mean you have an excuse for being stupid. :-D
  • How do you kill a blonde... Tell her to catch a deep sea fish.
  • I'm out like a blonde in trig.

Fat Jokes

  • Hey!! they made a song about your weight 8675309
  • Can fat people go skinny dipping?
  • At fat camp, the guys have bigger boobs
  • Bored as a fat person without food
  • Fat people are harder to kidnap
  • Never under estimate fat people in large groups
  • Dear Lord,
    If you can't make me SKINNY, Please make my friends FAT!
  • I would probably cry too, if I had a stomach the size of the ocean blue!
  • Only in America are "poor" people fat.
  • One day a woman asked her daughter to go get some jellyrolls. The girl went to the bakery and ordered all of the jellyrolls that the bakery had. Then she stuffed them all in her mouth and swallowed. When she got home her mom asked where the jellyrolls were. The girl lifts up her shirt and says here, these are the jelly rolls.

General Insults

  • I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!
  • Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the hell happen to you?
  • Right now I'm sitting here looking at you trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
  • A pretty girl can kiss a guy* a bird can kiss a butterfly* the rising sun can kiss the grass* but you my friend!! yes you!! YOU CAN KISS MY ASS*******
  • If you didn't have feet you wouldn't wear shoes.....then why do you wear a bra??!
  • mirrors don't talk but lucky for you %n they don't laugh
  • Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I don't wanna be mean, but you need listerine, not a sip, not a swallow, but the whole friggin bottle
  • People like you are the reason I'm on medication.
  • Don't piss me off today, I'm running out of places to hide to bodies
  • I have always woundered why people bang their heads against brick walls..... then I met you. Don't bother leaving a message.
  • Don't let your mind wander. It's way to small to be outside by itself!
  • I had a nightmare. I dreamt I was you.
  • Hey, Remember that time I told you I thought you were cool? I LIED.
  • I need you...........I want you............To get out of my face
  • Damn not you again.......
  • Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.
  • If I wanted to talk to you, I would have called you first.
  • I am not anti-social..I just don't like you
  • If you're gonna act like a dick you should wear a condom on your head so you can at least look like one !!!
  • Hmm...I dont know what your probelm is...but I'm going to bet it's really hard to pronounce...
  • There are some stupid people in this world. You just helped me realize it.
  • Until you called me I couldn't remember the last time I wanted somebody's fingers to break so badly.
  • If you ran 1,000,000 miles to see the boy/girl of your dreams, what would you say when you got there?
    Wow, you looked a lot hotter from a distance!
  • Cancel my subscriptions ... I'm tired of your issues.
  • I may be fat,but you're ugly,and I can diet!!!
  • Earth is full. Go home.
  • If I could be one person for a day, it sure as hell wouldn't be you.
  • Hey, heres a hint. If i don't answer you the first 25 times, what makes you think the next 25 will work?
  • How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you...
  • Oh dear! Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!
  • What's that ugly thing growing out of your neck... Oh... It's your head...
  • I'm sorry, Talking to you seems as appealing as playing leapfrog with unicorns.
  • Oh I'm sorry, how many times did your parents drop you when you were a baby?
  • Don't hate me because I'm beautiful hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
  • God made mountains, god made trees, god made you but we all make mistakes.
  • Remember JESUS loves you but everyone else thinks you're an idiot.
  • I'm not mean ... you're just a sissy.
  • Sorry I can't think of an insult stupid enough for you.
  • Why don't you go outside any play, hide and go f**k yourself
  • Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone
  • How about a little less questions and a little more shut the hell up? I'm away live with it.
  • FOR THE LAST TIME! Your mother left here at 9 this morning... Leave me alone!
  • Let's see, I've walked the dog, cleaned my room, gone shopping and gossiped with my friends...Nope, this list doesn't say that I'm required to talk to you.
  • When you were born you were so ugly that instead of slapping you, the doctor slapped your mom! leave a message
  • My Mom said never talk to strangers and well, since you're really strange.... I guess that means I can't talk to you!
  • Forget the ugly stick! you must have been born in the ugly forrest!
  • I really don't like you but if you really must leave a message, I'll be nice and at least pretend to care.
  • You know the drill! You leave a message....and I ignore it!
  • The Village just called. They said they were missing their town idiot, I couldn't really understand them, but I think they were saying the name was yours...
  • I'm not here right now so cry me a river, build yourself a bridge, and GET OVER IT!!!
  • Why are you bothering me? I have my away message on cause I don't want to listen to you and your stupid nonsense.
  • You dont know me, you just wish you did.
  • Hey- I am away from my computer but in the meantime, why don't you go play in traffic?!
  • You have your whole life to be a jerk....so why dont you take a day off so.. leave me a message for when I get back!!!!

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